When a step-parent comes into a family, children experience a myriad of emotions including guilt, resentment and even anger. These feelings can be particularly strong if the child has had little time to adjust to the idea of a new parent. But there are ways a step-parent can maintain a healthy relationship with their step-children while at the same time nurturing their couple relationship.
- Maintain a realistic approach to your role. Do not try to replace the absent parent or replicate the role that they filled. Rather, be guided by what your step-child is comfortable with and let them decide what they should call you.
- Build your own family memories through regular outings and activities. Encourage input from your step-children for these outings so that they feel included rather than being mere bystanders.
- When it comes to discipline, work out a plan with your partner that you are both happy with. Typically, adolescent step-children do not respond well to being disciplined by a step-parent so it may be wise to allow the biological parent to take charge in this area – with your full support of course.
- Try to find common interests with your step-child and make an effort to spend quality time with them. This will help to build a friendship and will also strengthen your adult/child relationship.
- Be willing to adopt a mentor role. Sometimes older step-children enjoy having an adult around them who is not so emotionally involved in parenting. They may prefer discussing delicate issues with you rather than with their biological parent.
- Your main priority should always be to protect and nurture your relationship with your partner. Sometimes too much time is devoted to fostering the step-parent/child relationship at the expense of the couple partnership. Looking after the couple relationship first will make all other issues easier to deal with.
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