Cheap Girl Toys: Supernatural Episode "a Light In The Midst Of Darkness" Pt 14

Before reading this, I recommend that you read “Supernatural Episode “A Light in the Midst of Darkness” Pt 13″, thank you.

I had again another psychotic attack with depression I would detach truth from reality. My mind and my thoughts became distorted. I could not sleep and I could not function properly. I was taking medicine to treat my depression, but to no avail. I lived in a world that was so dark, so cold, and so lonely, yet I had to get up every morning and take care of my children. It was only by God’s grace that I was able to do it. I would cry all day and night to the Lord asking Him to deliver me and get me out of the prison walls that I was in. Truth was always right there and I could not see it. Long before I experienced my depression with psychosis, I watched the news and saw a woman being convicted of a crime because she suffered from depression turned insanity, and I would say, ‘What a stupid woman, how could she have thought that way?’ Well, when I experienced it myself, my whole attitude and perspective on depression changed.

One day I was at home with the children, and I was so tired and sleepy. I just wanted to rest. I did not want my mind to think anymore. So I took 36 sleeping pills, and my God spared my life. My husband was there for me through it all. He was there to hold me when fear would grip me. When I shook in fear, he was there for me. He was there for me when everything in life was beautiful and sweet and when it became ugly and dark.

This same year, a week after my husband’s birthday in September, my husband and my best friend became ill and diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor. This, and yet I was not all well! Seeing my husband so helpless and myself so defeated all I could say was, ‘God what has happened to us?!’

This was not supposed to happen to us, the Loebls, we are people with a purpose! There was a time when I was angry and frustrated with God until I got a hold of myself and turned to God and cried out to Him and said, ‘Lord, I don’t understand why this had to happen to us. Not my will but let Your will be done in our lives.’ I said, Lord my children will not be left alone without a daddy, and with a mommy who is insane! That is when I got the boldness to say, ‘No devil! You will not steal my blessings; you will not destroy our beautiful home! Cancer, you are dead and cursed in Jesus’ name! Mental illness, you are destroyed in Jesus’ name!’ I held on to the altar of the Lord, and He was my Peace and my Strength through the storm. I saw my husband with tubes inserted in his head and the fluid draining from his brain. Surgery after surgery the doctors would give me his wedding band. I would trust God, that He would get that ring back on my husband’s finger.

I am truly a living miracle. My daddy God carried me through it all. I would hear my little children asking when they could see their daddy with so much love and excitement. My son, Jonathan, lost his tooth while daddy was in the hospital, so I took the tooth in a little envelope to show daddy! My children were true warriors through it all. My oldest daughter, Kayla, was not here, and I believe

God protected her that way. I know she prayed for her daddy even though she was on the other side of the world.

Coming home from the hospital was not a piece of cake. The first day after coming home from the hospital, the two little children, Gabriela and Josiah, saw daddy bald, with a beard, and with stitches all over his head. When they first saw him they were so serious until daddy spoke and they recognized his voice.

I had to bathe, shave, and take care of my husband. I know this part was hard for my husband and not hard for me because women are nurturers by nature. As the holidays approached, I saw my husband recovering quickly and walking on his own without help. His attitude changed. He was very irritable after coming home. He is always a nice calm guy but after coming home from the hospital, I would say, ‘Who is this irritable and cranky guy?’ It was all the shifting in the brain because of the surgery, and all the medicine in his system. Little by little he came back to normal.

We had a sweet Thanksgiving and Christmas. It brought tears to my eyes seeing my wonderful husband dancing around the table with our four children praising the Lord.

Our marriage vows became so real for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, till death do us part. I do not take one day for granted, not of my family or of anyone.

God has been our strong tower, our refuge, our strength, our peace, our joy in the midst of darkness, sickness, despair, and loneliness. All that the enemy meant for evil, God has turned for good.

God is a faithful God, a loving God a compassionate God. He heard my cry for help and came to my (our) rescue. To Him be all the glory and honor. My oldest daughter sang a song at a Christmas play in 2004. As I was in the hospital laying hands on my husband praying for him, I went back in time when my daughter sang that song and I could see her singing. It was such a prophetic song! What an amazing and true story our children, grandchildren, and future generations have of the power of God and what God did for mommy and daddy!

It’s all about you Jesus, And all this is for you, For your glory and your fame, It’s not about me, As if You should do things my way, You alone are God, and I surrender To your ways.

Whether what happened to me was due to a chemical imbalance in my brain, pain from my past, or an attack of the enemy, I do not know. Maybe I will never find out. I may not ever understand why

I experienced what it was to lose my mind. One thing I do know is that I (we) are healed. God gave me the following promise through this trial.

Unto your that fear my name shall the sun of righteousness arise with healing in His wings Malachi 4:2

I claimed this scripture through it all.

Writing this testimony has brought me healing and my prayer is that God will minister to someone in need through my testimony, and someone else will be set free in Jesus name, just like me.