Adoption: Some Honest Reflections

My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past 3 years of our marriage. We actually got pregnant 9 months ago, but my wife miscarried. If there’s any consolation, at least we know that we’re not infertile. We are now just trying and praying to God. In this process, we’ve contemplated adoption. As we’ve considered adopting a child, I’ve stumbled over 3 primary concerns: money, love, and process. I’ll go into these in greater detail. Please keep in mind that these are only my first thoughts on adoption as a possible parent. I haven’t yet done enough research.

Financially, we are tight. We are still trying to get ourselves out of the financial hole due to very bad spending habits during the start of our marriage. I was wanting to wait to have children, but my wife gently reminded me that having a child while tight financially is of more value than not having a child while having a little extra spending cash. Children beat out money. (At least they should.) We’re happy to make the sacrifice. Although this state of mind is just fine for bearing your own kids, I’ll bet that an adoption agency has stricter financial standards for who they accept. Not to mention the adopting fees. As of now, I don’t think we can afford adoption.

When the subject of adoption first was mentioned between us, I didn’t give it much consideration. My heart has always been firm on having my own children from my own seed. I’ve always fancied that part of the love I’d have for my child would be the knowledge that he is from me. (Yes, I’m hoping for a boy.) As I’ve contemplated it further, however, I sincerely believe I could love an adopted child just the same. Love is more a committment of the heart than a mystical feeling of oneness. Additionally the knowledge that I “rescued” this child would provide some great feelings in the process. Maybe I’d even think of myself as a hero!

A third issue I’ve dealt with while contemplating adoption is a fear of the drawn out process. I regularly hear about horror stories of the time and money required to adopt a child. An acquaintance even experienced an ordeal where there was a risk the birth mother could take the child back into custody six months later. I’d want to be sure of the outcome before starting the necessary steps. I also read of occasions of adoptive parents traveling to foreign countries to receive a child with only the expense being a plane ticket. Is it really so simple?

I haven’t researched adoption adequately to know the facts about these money, love, and process concerns. Well, I have figured out I will love whatever child with whom God chooses to bless us. This article is just the first step in my desire to understand these issues. I have set up a website where I plan to receive the written experiences of others considering adoption or adoptive parents. You are invited to submit an article too. You don’t have to be an expert—I’m not! You don’t need to be an accomplished writer. Your experience on the topic is highly valued.

Adoption: Some Honest Reflections